September 11, 2000
Post #1177 – 20000911
I recently purchased a copy of your new oversized paperback collection of stories entitled “4 Fantastic Novels”. Last night I finished reading “Yobgorgel: Monster of Lake Ontario” for the first time. I thought it was great, and I was very enthralled with the idea of a machine that could convert fish into any food with only a slight fishy aftertaste. This struck me as such an awesome idea with so many possibilities. The very idea of all types of fish being mixed and mashed, strained and sifted into an infinite number of other foods and products really got me thinking. I dreamt about fish last night, and I fell out of bed twice. Now, I must tell you that I have been a very faithful vegetarian for over four years. I refused to eat my favourite snack mix because it contained trace elements of anchovy powder; I wouldn’t eat french fries that had been cooked in the same grease as chicken nuggets; I declined cheese sandwiches that had been cooked on the same griddle as hamburger patties; etc… But, for some reason when I woke up today I had fish on the brain. Not just one fish fillet, but the idea of a giant vat of fish mixing together for the greater good. I ate a tuna fish sandwich for lunch. Only you could convert a vegetarian with extremely strong convictions and will-power by merely describing a warm cup of fish cocoa. You have the stomach of a poet, Mr. Pinkwater.
A Delighted Reader,
While it was never my intention to convert anyone--I must observe that under different circumstances, the tunafish would be having you for lunch, and presumably liking you as much as you like(d) it. I am grateful that you read my book, but respectfully submit that it was merely a prompting, (the flipping out of bed tells me this:) your system was screaming for animal protein--enjoy it, and use it wisely. Chicken McNuggets may still be a bad idea. You are, of course, the sort of reader I hope for, and at the same time, fear.