June 20, 2020
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
I believe some explanation is in order. You seemed concerned the last time you answered your questions that I would want to murder newspaper columnists working in South America. This is not the case. I’m fine with columnists as long as they aren’t flamboyant about it. What I’m not fine with is Comminists.
When I was young, I went on a trip to Peru, presumably as an exchange student helping with the avocado harvest. However, I was really sent by the CIA on a mission to assassinate those who they feared were planning a Comminist uprising to take over Peru and possibly Bolivia. This is where I met my future husband, Theobald.
Unfortunately, it turned out the CIA goofed, and the uprising occurred in Cuba instead. But what did I care? I was young and in love.
You have, however, still left the question of whether my boy Walter is palling about with zombies. This is an issue near and dear to my heart. You see, zombies are formed from otherwise sane citizens eating Japanese or Canadian tuna, which allows them to be controlled by the Comminists. Hopefully this is not the case.
Oh! I am so sorry! It's old age, and failing eyesight. So, I misread your post, and thought you were referring to columnists, when it was obviously commentators. I used to be a commentator myself, although I always thought I was an uncommon tator. Your old-fashioned preoccupation with assassination and government-sponsored evil-doings is charming and does you credit. I hear Walter is operating a popular bagel stand in the Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region, entirely on the up-and-up and not a front for anything in an area where zombies are uncommon.