Dave Thomas

October 26, 1999

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

On behalf of my client, The Flabby Mormon Glee Club (call them for your next toga party, bar-mitzvah, turkey shoot, midget toss, greased pole contest or angry mob lynching–they’re in the book), I would like to register the following complaint. Mr. Water, in your June 14th posting you made repeated references to flabby Mormons, calling them both “flabby” and “mormon,” and alleging that their “flabbiness” was the result of their unusual laziness and gluttony (rather than a result of mysterious yet well-documented Martian “flab ray” which has been targeting Mormon earthlings for the last quarter century). At best, your comments are hurtful; at worst, they are a large load of poop. I hereby order you to cease and desist talking smack about my client, or they will all go home in a huff.

Sincerely,

D. Thomas

If I made reference to flabby Mormons, it was obviously something I said in praise of them. As you know, I like flabby, and I like Mormons. And I like bananas because they have no bones.